Yearly Deck care ( Stain Flaking and peeling, wood splitting)

It seems that every year I have to sand my deck down and reapply stain/sealant.
I live in northeast (Upstate NY) so my deck sees some extreme weather. Lots of snow and rain and direct afternoon sun. The deck is about 7 years old and has had stain/sealant applied every year after installation.
I hired someone to build the deck and the builder ordered wood. Without checking I can only guess that the wood is pressure treated pine due to sap coming out of 1 or 2 planks.
SWMBO (she who must be obeyed) has always preferred Thompson's due to the color options.
All the spinals and some of the under railing have held onto the stain, however most the floor the planks have not.
Considering my deck is quite large and has 2 sets of stairs, the yearly routine of sanding and reapplying stain is costly and time consuming, not to mention physically demanding.

Can anyone make a suggesting on what stain I should be using?
How do I prevent this flaking and fading? or is this simply normal due to weather conditions?

Secondly, it may not show in the pictures but many of the planks are starting to split in the middle. This is causing flaking and splintering of the wood.
Considering I have a pool and lots of kids running bare foot Is there a way to prevent the wood from splitting further?
We do us a combination of outdoor rugs to try and cover as much as possible (due to the deck getting super hot).
I have always suspected this is the result of the builder purchasing cheap wood. However what is done is done and I have to find a way to work with what I have.

Thanks in advance for any assistance or advise.

 

Thompsons is why you're doing this every year, a better brand could buy you more time inbetween recoats.

Also, sanding isn't typically required between coats, just a good cleaning.

 

I suggest going to a local paint store [not paint dept] and discuss the options with them. They'll know which stains do best in your climate. Most paint stores can tint their stain to match a competitor's stain color.

 

I have found from previous years if I did not sand down the last years stain, the wood would not absorb the new stain.
This just created a mess and made it look lousy, as well.

 

Some stains can't be recoated unless the existing stain is removed - chemically, mechanically or by weather. IMO you be better off spraying a deck stain remover on, let it set [but not dry] and then rinse it [and the old stain] off.